Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I enjoy the company of your penis
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