Your mouth is God's brothel.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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