I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
