I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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