Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
