Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
