so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
