I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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