So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
