Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
