Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.

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(847): 3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world. http://tfl.nu/xg24

Replies (21) Good night (3696) Bad night (550)
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(847): View more from Illinois

well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

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(847): well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms." http://tfl.nu/dhb2

Replies (12) Good night (6073) Bad night (964)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.

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(715): I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk. http://tfl.nu/px56

Replies (7) Good night (2263) Bad night (960)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.

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(484): so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey. http://tfl.nu/h1y9

Replies (7) Good night (3448) Bad night (754)
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(512): View more from Texas

Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.

(512): View more from Texas

Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.

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(512): Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college. (512): Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good. http://tfl.nu/chyc

Replies (10) Good night (1564) Bad night (1016)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.

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(541): Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids. http://tfl.nu/e2e0

Replies (12) Good night (2325) Bad night (711)
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(571): View more from Virginia

It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack

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(571): It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack http://tfl.nu/ebu7

Replies (3) Good night (740) Bad night (1987)
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(650): View more from California

He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups

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(650): He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups http://tfl.nu/2ekp

Replies (4) Good night (1525) Bad night (622)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.

(1+61): View more from

Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.

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(+61): I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover. (1+61): Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer. http://tfl.nu/so7s

Replies (5) Good night (1732) Bad night (709)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.

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(618): I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high. http://tfl.nu/waf9

Replies (4) Good night (1756) Bad night (539)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one

(847): View more from Illinois

I had a salad today

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies

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(978): When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one (847): I had a salad today (978): Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies http://tfl.nu/rhtj

Replies (2) Good night (1000) Bad night (583)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.

(908): View more from New Jersey

This is why you are not allowed out in public.

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(732): seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian. (908): This is why you are not allowed out in public. http://tfl.nu/xlma

Replies (1) Good night (592) Bad night (352)
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(734): View more from Michigan

This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.

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(734): This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving. http://tfl.nu/sgt2

Replies (4) Good night (369) Bad night (477)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.

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(612): I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers. http://tfl.nu/s9wi

Replies (2) Good night (346) Bad night (418)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.

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(859): Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people. http://tfl.nu/v0oj

Replies (5) Good night (877) Bad night (326)

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