I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
