make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!