Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.