no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.