Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
