my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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