there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
