genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
