And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
