Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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