singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
