Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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