best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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