i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
