I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
