Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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