the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
