I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
