I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
