Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
