Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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