I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
