was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
