i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
