No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drunk is not a location!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
