Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
