then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
