I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
