also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
