we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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