Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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