I am in a vortex of obligation.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
