She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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