There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
3pm strippers are depressing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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