I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
