if you like me you must not know who I am
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
