I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize