I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
