How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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