I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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