Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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