mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
