You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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