i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
