I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
