Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
