I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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