I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
