im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
