to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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