I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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