Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
