im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
