I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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