Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i think i just lost a toe
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
