Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
