??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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